Pick-Up-Artists Are Not Artists

Sorry to burst your bubbles, fellas, but pick-up-artists aren’t artists. The biggest reason being; there’s just way too many variables. For instance, if you live in India or anywhere in the Middle East, where 99 percent of the populace are Muslim, you cannot go around picking up girls because if anyone were to find out they’d, literally, stone you to death. Put plainly, not everyone can be pick-up-artists because not everyone lives in the same geographical region or observes the same religion.

Moving on. Here’s another example; if you’re tall, can afford fancy clothes and have a kick-ass ride to drive a girl around with, you’re more likely to get a girl to sleep with you than some schmuck who doesn’t have any of those things going for himself. In other words, to be a consistent “pick-up-artist” you must first have two or three things going for you, one; geography, two; good genes, and three; good socio-economic status. Now, because not everyone has the privilege of, simultaneously, having any of those things going for them, you cannot call yourself an artist whenever you succeed at picking up a girl.

A third reason why pick-up-artists aren’t artists is that the term “artist,” itself, does not apply to their activity. According to the current definitions of the word “artist,” one can only be considered an “artist” when one is “skilled at a particular task or [an] occupation,” and since pick-up-artists aren’t “skilled” but are privileged, they do not fit nicely in that definition. In other words, just because I might’ve been blessed with certain prerequisites to succeed, like a tall frame, access to capital, and a fancy car, does not make the things that I am good at, a skill. Another way to look at it is like this; if you’re an athlete and you’re 6’5 and you can dunk a basketball, that’s not a skill.

Okay, so tall athletes who can dunk basketballs aren’t skillful; but do you really mean it when you say that people that are privileged can’t be skilled at something?

That’s a great question and the simple answer is, no. Being privileged does not mean that you are incapable of becoming skillful at something. Take, for example, Prince Henry of Wales, the Queen’s grandson; he was born into privilege but yet he’s a skillful fighter pilot—-who, in one of the military’s most expensive and sophisticated aircrafts; the Apache helicopter, has killed plenty of insurgents in Afghanistan. But, the more complicated answer to that question; is that people like Prince Henry are in a different class of skillfulness than most people because of their privileges.

Like anything in life, there are degrees in which the terms like, “skillful” or “mastery,” can be applied to someone. For instance, if you’re a working-class individual, competing against a middle-class individual at becoming the world’s best bodybuilder, you’re probably not going to achieve that goal because you wouldn’t have had the same access to the type of supplements, trainers, or connections like the middle-class person would have had. Now then, when that middle-class person is granted the title of “the best” or the most “skillful,” it’s much more different than someone calling that working-class person “the best” or “skillful.” On their own, both terms may sound the same but when applied to two different people with vastly different socio-economic statuses, they suddenly take on two different meanings.

So in that sense, the best, so-called “pick-up-artists,” aren’t actually artists because they’re in a different class than most average people. Meaning, their title was made possible by the very fact that they had certain advantages that other people did not have. And this separation of advantages and disadvantages is what makes their type of skill, not a true art.

Now, if you were to say to me that, Lewuga, guys who pick up girls are enthusiasts, then I would absolutely agree with you because being an enthusiast requires none of the above things that I’ve just mentioned. But to call them artists; now that would be incorrect. But now that we’ve established that pick-up-artists aren’t actually artists, let’s take a look at some of their bullshit suggestions on how to pick-up girls.

Suggestion number 1.) How to get laid soon after she hands you her number.

After she gives you her number, text her right away, asking to hang out; she’d be so happy that you remembered her that she’ll even set up a time to meet for the both of you.

Bullshit. Guys, don’t ever do that; you’ll just look like a desperate fool if you do. What the research shows is that a woman likes a man who is aloof, and doesn’t appear needy. In other words, if you want her to remember you or to text you back, don’t text her right away. Give her some space to evaluate her handing you her number. The guy who can be patient will succeed, but the guy who can’t be patient will, almost certainly, jeopardize the girl’s interest in him.

That first advice was from a pick-up-artist who goes on to suggest that if you buy – or attend – one of his “courses,” that he’d personally teach you how to get a girl to be interested in you, again; even after she’d stop texting you back for weeks. I am no expert on women – and anyone who claims that they are, are selling you a load of crap – but I do know a little thing-or-two about common sense. And if a girl is not responding to any of your text messages for weeks – or longer – that’s an obvious sign that she’s not interested in you. And no “course” in the world will fix that.

Suggestion number 2.) An invitation to nothing.

This second suggestion is from Zan Perrion, a very popular pick-up-artist in the seduction community; and he says that you if you want a girl to be with you, you should just invite her into nothingness. For example, when you invite her to your place or to a bar, etc, don’t actually tell her what it is that you’re interested in doing. Let it be a complete mystery. Forget, for a second, how creepy or boring that might sound to a girl but, the mystery of it all, he says, will be the thing that will automatically attract her to you.

Sure, everyone likes a little mystery everyone once in a while, but what everyone likes more is to actually know what it is that they’re getting into. So for that, I call bullshit, on this advice. Guys, the truth is; the moment you invite a girl to come over or to simply hang out with you, and she asks “what are we gonna do?” and you say “we’re gonna do nothing,” she’s immediately going to find something else more substantive than what you’ve just offered her.

Instead of inviting a girl into nothingness, I would recommend that you be upfront with her and state exactly what it is that you’re in the mood for. And the reason why this method will work better than what Zan Perrion was suggesting, is because, again, research shows that women tend to go for men that are assertive, confident and goal-oriented. By taking the initiative to invite her over, and by also stating what you’re in the mood for, she will get the impression that your assertive, confident, and goal-oriented.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t mind it that guys are so interested in women that they make it their life’s mission to study how to pick them up. However, what I find very concerning is the fact that some of their methods aren’t rooted in sincerity or, in a genuine sense to actually get to know the person that they are hitting on. Rather, their goal is to manipulate and trick their victims into sleeping with them, without, in return, offering anything substantive. “A lot of my game,” one pick-up-artist said, “centers around not wasting a lot of financial resources. I don’t even take girls out….I meet them on the street and invite them to my place. If I’m attracted to the girl, my end game is to be physical. I want them in a controlled environment where I can escalate it into a sexual scenario.”

At this current time in history, where we’re discovering that sexual predators are not only manipulating and using their position of power to get what they want out of women but, in return, are causing severe traumatic experiences in their victims, we simply don’t need any more so-called “pick-up-artists” putting women in “controlled” spaces where the end goal is to “escalate” the situation into a “sexual scenario.”

Image by Jens Lindner from Unsplash

Pick-up-artist explaining how he picks up women; The grandmaster pick-up artist

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Confessions From a Type-A

It stinks being a Type-A sometimes because no matter how great things might be going for me, I can never feel satisfied. I always want more and more. Like, excuse me, did you say more validation? Sure, I’ll take it. Oh, you have more friends for me, too? Yes, bring them on. And, wait, what’s this, you’re handing me more responsibilities? I mean, I’m already swamped but, fuck it, I’ll take those too.

Being a Type-A is constantly thinking that there is something, out there, that is much better than what is right here in front of me. In other words, it is the idea that I can always be improving, either on myself or at life. And although I know, intellectually, that the ultimate finish line of any improvement in life is death, I still want to keep improving; keep achieving, and keep going higher and higher until my nose is pressing right on that fucking glass ceiling.

Looking at it now, I suppose what I’ve just described sounds like our basic, human instinct to always be self-improving, and so it’s not something that is mutually exclusive to people with Type-A personalities. And I can totally see that. However, in my particular case, the sensation to always self-improve has become exaggerated to the point where it is, almost, unsafe to be a Type-A person. On the one hand, though, having a Type-A personality is a good thing because it means that I’ll never be mediocre. But on the other hand, it means that I’ll also never know what it feels like to actually relax, and have a good time.

In some ways, I guess you could say that having a Type-A personality is both a gift and a curse and that the more that I become aware of its paradoxical properties, the more manageable it will be. And, yes, that would be an accurate assessment. The problem, though, is that, lately, it’s starting to feel more like a curse than a gift.

I once heard Johannes Heesters say; ” My secret to a long, healthy life is to always keep working….,” and I’ve always liked that quote because it sort of made sense to the way that I viewed the world. But I never actually gave it a great deal of thought. Like for instance; is it possible to have a long, healthy life without having to, constantly, be working all the time? Logically, I know the answer is, yes, but emotionally, I don’t feel it to be true. Namely, because I feel that there’s always something that needs to be done; or there’s always a goal that needs to be accomplished, or there’s always an empty box, somewhere, that needs to be checked off.

In that previous quote from Johannes Heesters, he goes on to say that, working “keeps me busy and happy, and [it] gives me a reason to stay alive.” Although Johannes Heesters and others like him have gone to have successful careers because of their way of thinking, I don’t want to be like them. Chiefly because I know, quite painfully, that there’s a difference between achieving success and actually feeling happy about it. In other words, just because you’re successful doesn’t mean that you’re happy.

Image by Jordan Whitfield from Unsplash.

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There’s Nothing New About The New Year

There’s nothing new about this new year. Your friends are still the same, your relatives are still plotting to drive you crazy, and the world is still a scary place. To speak plainly, if I may; the new year is simply an opportunity to feel like we’re all going somewhere, when in fact, majority of us are still in the same places, with the same shitty partners; and at the same jobs with the same bosses who makes us feel less than what we actually feel like when we’re far, far away from our workplaces.

Don’t get me wrong, something is different and new about this present moment, like the fact that it is 2018 instead of 2017, but the mindset that many of us will carry on our shoulders will be – and is still – very much the same. For example, if you’re prone to having negative thoughts about yourself, that’s gonna remain the same. Or, if you tend to start something new but never actually finish it, that’s also going to be the same.

But before I continue my pessimistic tirade any further, let me be clear, here, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating the arrival of a new year with family, friends, or even with strangers, in fact, it may be healthy for the soul, but to buy into the idea that a new year will, automatically, usher in a newer you is borderline insane. Thinking that way makes you no different than the deranged man that I’d often see on the corner of Chippewa and Main, professing that the world is going to end. Sure; new day, new month, new year, but still the same unhinged way of thinking.

I suspect that some of you may disagree with what I’m saying, and that’s perfectly fine. Perhaps, because many of you have already sworn that this year will be different and that the world will have no choice but to kneel at your feet once they see how different you are—–and great, that is absolutely fantastic. All power to you. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. However, the reason I am a little skeptical about all the endless possibilities that a new year might bring, whether interpersonally or socially, is because common sense tells me to. Furthermore, and because research shows that it takes people 18 – 254 days to form a new habit, and, also because forming a new habit is extremely challenging, common sense also tells me that people are people and because they’re people, they’re almost certainly going to fail. I wish there was a much nicer way that I could have said that, but there wasn’t.

But although that might be the case, and although the facts are the facts and we should never argue with the facts, I can’t help but wonder; can some people actually surprise themselves this year and become who they envisioned themselves to be?

The reader may find this surprising, especially given how apathetic I was a moment ago; but I am a firm believer in the power of the human mind, and its capacity to achieve whatever it sets itself to achieve. More importantly, and because I believe in the power of the human will and it’s determination; its focus and its amazing drive, it is my contention that the data and the raw facts are capable of bending themselves to fit the type of reality that someone has set for themselves. Statistically speaking, not everyone, however, will be able to pull off what I’ve just mentioned—-and that’s okay. In fact, it’s perfectly normal because not everyone has the discipline nor the willpower to see an idea through the very end. And this is good news because, interestingly, it is on those bases; i.e., the separation of mind and willpower, that will, ultimately, determine if some people will actually get to experience a new sensation of self this year—-or not.

 

Image by Annie Spratt from Unsplash

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