Yesterday At My Therapist’s Office

YESTERDAY AT MY THERAPIST’S OFFICE was relaxing and intellectually stimulating. Of course, we did not engage in discourse for long—approximately, 40 minutes—-but, still, our brief time together was mentally liberating, to say the least. “Lewuga,” she said, with one of her legs crossed over the other and with an opened purple notebook on her lap, “You are thoughtful, and you care deeply about a lot of things, but it’s important to always ask yourself; ‘Is this issue or situation worth solving?'”

It can be a protest, a simple family feud, or a random incident somewhere, and for whatever reason, I would always feel like I can be the one to amend the situation. Like, the only one that is sensible and pragmatic enough to bring peace and justice to both sides. That kind of unrealistic mindset, although not entirely bad, has never yielded the type of ultimate absolution that I was hoping it would have yielded. And you would think that by now I would have gotten the memo—but, no, I’m too silly and blissfully stubborn. I swear, the way my mind operates sometimes; very grandiose and panglossian, is so annoying and scary.

What a profound question that was, though, for someone as ambitious, selfless, and passionate like me to hear. Up to that very moment, it never dawned on me, in a very visceral way, that, perhaps, I, alone, can not change every situation. I think what it is, is that I always thought and felt like I was ordained by God to solve the issues that his son, Jesus Christ, couldn’t solve before he went back to heaven. But thankfully now that I’ve taken the first step towards a more rational state of mind, by having confronted how celestially, emotionally, and physically impossible such a task was, I’m starting to feel some of the weight of the whole world sliding off of my shoulders.

I do not blame myself for feeling like I should be the one to fix the world—because, without people like me; quixotic, seditious, and compassionate, the world would be a deformed and passionless place. But, what does trouble me sometimes about that mindset that I used to feel so strongly about, is that when the whole world doesn’t change at that split second, I become seriously depressed and cynical about everything.

And that is why I appreciate therapy so much—-because it’s a kind of process that forces you to think critically and seriously about yourself and about the rest of the whole world around you. With each session, you’re growing, decompressing, and learning a little bit more about yourself. Yes, Meditation, Yoga, Group Meetings, and any other activity that forces you to think deeply about something can have the same effect, but for me, Therapy seems to do the trick.

Main photo was from Unsplash

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Where Are We All Running To?

WHERE ARE WE ALL RUNNING TO? And why are we in such a hurry to get to where it is that we’re going? Is it that we are afraid that if we slowed down to smell the roses or the dandelions that life would somehow disappear or become too boring to handle? Gone are the days when we took the time to care deeply about issues. Gone are the days when we allowed our friends, family members, and even strangers to borrow our ears for troubling, maybe exciting, important, or rather traumatic issues that they may have been wrestling with. And gone are the days when we cared to look up, every once in while, to see that the blue skies and suggestive clouds are still there minding their business.

All because of our hastefullness, we have forgotten how sweet and delightful the sight of our partner’s smiles can be. And all because of our hastefulness, we have sunk too deeply into sadness, empty feelings of happiness and forever made our touches of melancholy the prime choice for levitating our miseries. But is all of this our fault? Are we to be held solely responsible for the hyper-exaggerations of a fast-paced life? No, I certainly do not think so. It is not our fault entirely that we consume too much but feel too little. But, at some point, we do have to start taking responsibility for indulging in a lifestyle that has made us useless in realizing how impactful our hastefulness has been

I am not disagreeing that life can be fun and far more exciting when it is consumed hastefully, but it is my concern, however, that if we continue to consume too much of the fast-paced life, it will make us less appreciative of the subtle and more delicate things in life—-like, meaningful friendships, family time, or sunsets on windless evenings.

The faster we consume life the shorter it becomes. The pace of life, in my opinion, should be slow and steady. Because it is from the slowness of life that we can think, reflect, appreciate the finer details in nature, and also find a deeper connection between us and the natural world.

Our goals—-like ripened fruits on a tree—will be plucked when we are ready to reach them. The many goals that we all have will not fade away because we decide to slow down. Slowing down, in fact, allows us the time to reshape, to affirm, and, ultimately, activate our goals more strategically and proficiently.

As adults, we must not continue to consume life at a faster pace, because if we happen to miss something, there will be no one coming to rescue us. For the few who may have their parents to fall back on when life becomes too hasty, it is important that they still realize that it is no longer the duty of their parents to disintegrate their problems. It is our responsibility, as adults, to take ownership of our situations.

Insofar, it seems like children, because of the many safety nets established by their guardians, are the ones that are naturally allowed to enjoy the fast pace life—namely, because if they happen to have missed something, their guardians will be there to reinforce the relevancies of a slower-paced life. The constellations of life have granted them such a privilege. We, on the other hand, are on our own. And thus, we cannot afford to continue to miss the subtle relevancies of life because we are hastefully trying to get to where it is that we’re trying to get to.

The main image is from Unsplah and taken by Photographer, Jordan Whitt

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Frustrating Nature of People

PEOPLE CAN BE VERY FRUSTRATING AT TIMES. Sometimes they can say one thing but then do another—while, other times they can promise to do something for you but then let you down at the very last minute. Although that may not seem like a serious issue to them, but to us it’s a serious problem. In fact, it’s criminal. “How can this person be this way?” we may ask ourselves. “Can they not see that they are hurting us?”

I don’t know what drives some of us—even our closest friends—-to disappoint and frustrate us they way they do. Is it that we are not that important to them that they feel the need to discard us as if we were a piece of lint or a bottle cap? Or is it because we might have, had done something that they did not like, but instead of telling us, they chose to torture us with their silence and flaky responses? “If only we could tell what is in the heart of each person,” my dad would often say, trying to ease my disenchanted state of mind, “Then only then we may know.”

But is it really until someone comes along and invents a smart device that can tell us “what is in the heart of each person” that we can then expect to know what other people may not want to tell us? I really want to accept that, but at the same time, I also know that people are mature adults—and one of the things required of mature adults is transparency and honesty. Simply waiting around, like how my dad indirectly suggested, for people to own their flakiness and lack of transparency is unfair—-because it strips them of accountability.

Too may a times I have waited with no response for people to call me back after they said they would call me back, too many a times I have planned an evening at a restaurant and had to eat all alone because the person retired themselves from showing up, and too many a times have I texted people, whom, just seconds ago were texting me back, but then for some strange reason decided to stop responding to my texts altogether. Frustrating is not the word—-but absurd sounds about right.

But what are we to do with people like those that I just mentioned? Should we quit them, should we stop feeding into their lack of respect for us by continuously calling or texting them back? Or, should we confront them about the hurtful,  frustrating and confusing ways that they make us feel? Sure, those options may sound fair enough, but what if those people were our friends—-what are we to do then? The American author, political activist, and lecturer, Helen Keller once wrote, “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone at night.” My guess is Helen Keller never had a friend like we’ve had. Her friend—to me—sounds imaginary.

What I’ve found works best for me, and which is also what my therapist suggested, is that we need—-however painful it may be—to revisit those moments in our minds that frustrated us the most. Those moments that left us confused and emotionally vulnerable. Those moments that we felt like a piece of lint or a bottle cap in the minds of the people around us. And what we do is ask ourselves: “That way that so and so made me feel, is that the same way that I would treat myself?”

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