I Don’t Really Want You

I DON’T really want you.

Yes, you’re pretty, and sure, you may be talented, but I don’t really want you.

The thing is, I want you the way a kid wants a toy when she’s at a toy store. I want you the way a New Yorker wants a taxi cab. And I want you the way someone on Wall Street wants a promotion.

You see where I’m going with this? You don’t want me wanting you this way. Because in my eyes, you’re no different than the scarf that I wear when it’s cold outside or the like the string on our lamp that I flick on when it’s too dark to see. Basically, you’re way too convenient and accessible to me.

We were never meant to be together; you’re wild and free and I’m tamed and isolated. What we need is something that looks nothing like the two of us. Go! Run far away from here. Don’t look back. There’s nothing here for you to see.

I can’t even tell you the last time I felt something real. Was it yesterday? Was it way back when I was on the public transportation staring out of the window? Or was it that time when I saw two gay couple caressing each other’s faces on the subway? I can’t remember. Is this really the type of person that you want to be with?

You don’t need me falling in love with you because if I do you will never know what my true feelings are. I would hide my emotions from you the way a guilty child hides from her parents. I would run emotional circles around you until you tire out.

You don’t need someone like me. I’m too scared to open up. What you need is someone who is full of oxygen, someone who’s nostrils can open up wide to smell your scent from miles away. You need someone who is full of life and who’s not afraid to dance like no ones’ watching.

Are you still listening? No, no, no! you’re making a mistake—–

“Excuse me, buddy, but your wife is waiting outside. She want’s to know if you’re finished with your vows.”

Photo by Gilles Lambert on Unsplash

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Frustrating Nature of People

PEOPLE CAN BE VERY FRUSTRATING AT TIMES. Sometimes they can say one thing but then do another—while, other times they can promise to do something for you but then let you down at the very last minute. Although that may not seem like a serious issue to them, but to us it’s a serious problem. In fact, it’s criminal. “How can this person be this way?” we may ask ourselves. “Can they not see that they are hurting us?”

I don’t know what drives some of us—even our closest friends—-to disappoint and frustrate us they way they do. Is it that we are not that important to them that they feel the need to discard us as if we were a piece of lint or a bottle cap? Or is it because we might have, had done something that they did not like, but instead of telling us, they chose to torture us with their silence and flaky responses? “If only we could tell what is in the heart of each person,” my dad would often say, trying to ease my disenchanted state of mind, “Then only then we may know.”

But is it really until someone comes along and invents a smart device that can tell us “what is in the heart of each person” that we can then expect to know what other people may not want to tell us? I really want to accept that, but at the same time, I also know that people are mature adults—and one of the things required of mature adults is transparency and honesty. Simply waiting around, like how my dad indirectly suggested, for people to own their flakiness and lack of transparency is unfair—-because it strips them of accountability.

Too may a times I have waited with no response for people to call me back after they said they would call me back, too many a times I have planned an evening at a restaurant and had to eat all alone because the person retired themselves from showing up, and too many a times have I texted people, whom, just seconds ago were texting me back, but then for some strange reason decided to stop responding to my texts altogether. Frustrating is not the word—-but absurd sounds about right.

But what are we to do with people like those that I just mentioned? Should we quit them, should we stop feeding into their lack of respect for us by continuously calling or texting them back? Or, should we confront them about the hurtful,  frustrating and confusing ways that they make us feel? Sure, those options may sound fair enough, but what if those people were our friends—-what are we to do then? The American author, political activist, and lecturer, Helen Keller once wrote, “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone at night.” My guess is Helen Keller never had a friend like we’ve had. Her friend—to me—sounds imaginary.

What I’ve found works best for me, and which is also what my therapist suggested, is that we need—-however painful it may be—to revisit those moments in our minds that frustrated us the most. Those moments that left us confused and emotionally vulnerable. Those moments that we felt like a piece of lint or a bottle cap in the minds of the people around us. And what we do is ask ourselves: “That way that so and so made me feel, is that the same way that I would treat myself?”

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Why Millennials Hate It When Their Friends Are Sad

millennial on computer

Why do our friends wish for us to be more happier and jolly when we’re sad and overwhelmed about life? And with all their attempts to cheer us up by making us laugh or telling us stories about the times we were happy, out-going, or vibrant—and, yet none of it seems to work, why don’t they just stop and accept our sadness?

Naturally, there are vast amount of reasons why our friends may dislike our melancholy, but in the spirit of convenience and for making sure that you can get back to your social media—and not have missed the latest newsfeed or tweet, I will break down what I believe to be the reasons in three observations.

  1. They think that because we’re all so “connected” that there’s no way that one of us could possibly be feeling sad, isolated or lonely.
  2. It reminds, confronts, and forces them with the reality that we may actually be sad, lonely, or overwhelmed, despite how “connected” we are.
  3. Due to our constant “connectivity” and cradled-upbringings with technology, some of us fear that we lack the social skills to communicate in ways that would resolve the dispiritedness of our friends.

If you’re the person that feels sad and often question why life is overwhelming, unfair or difficult, that’s absolutely okay and one hundred percent normal. Psychoanalysis, Donald Winnicott once said that childhood and adulthood are inherently difficult, thus we must allow ourselves the opportunities to regularly mourn over the most obvious or subtle things.

However, if you’re the person that are constantly trying to cheer up the latter individuals, you must keep in mind that life needs it’s moments of acknowledged sadness and mourning. Furthermore, what those in the latter may actually want is not cheering up but rather a shared moment of sadness and mournful sympathy. And if you’re worried about not having the right words to say to someone that may be feeling sad, isolated, or overwhelmed, don’t worry, just you being there–either physically or technologically—is enough.

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